This is how we do it: ‘Even after 16 years I only have to look at him and I’m ready to go’

Jason, 63

Ally notices the occasional looks people give us, and her response is to ask me to give her a kiss in front of them

When Ally and I first met, she was 25 and fresh out of uni, and I was 47 and recently separated from my wife. I walked into work every day and saw this beautiful young woman with long dark hair and the most fantastic smile. Eventually I did the cheesy thing and wrote her a note telling her how I felt. I didn’t expect to hear from her. I thought she’d be thinking: what’s this old guy doing?

But it was obvious that we had a lot in common artistically, culturally and intellectually. We started having a sexual relationship really quickly. It wasn’t expected, but it happened, and it was amazing.

After three years, we broke up because of stress I was experiencing around work. It was the worst decision of my life. I didn’t hear from her for 13 years. This summer we ended up meeting purely by chance at a cafe. I felt a sense of wonderment that I had found her again.

It’s only since our relationship began again that I started to think about the age difference and the implications. I feel older, so I’m thinking about it more now than I did 16 years ago.

There are of course a lot of very healthy, vibrant and fit old people. Many who are still having loads of sex, and I think, good on you. But the age gap does concern me, and I think about this more than she does. Ally notices the occasional looks people give us on the train, and her response is to ask me to give her a kiss in front of them. She doesn’t care.

Since getting back together we’ve been more sexually active because we’re better at communicating. It’s not unusual for us to go to bed at nine; I’ll fall straight asleep then wake up a couple of hours later, we’ll have sex, go to sleep, wake up again and have some more sex. That can happen throughout the night.

Despite the age gap, we just understand each other and things work so well. I have better sex than with her than I’ve ever had with anyone. It is of a totally different order of magnitude.

Ally, 41

I find it intensely irritating when other people make a big deal about our age difference. I really do believe it is just a number

When we met 16 years ago we were at different stages in our lives. So when we began dating I thought we were just enjoying each other’s company. We went out and we had fun. It wasn’t until afterwards – years after we’d split up – that I realised I had been in love with him.

I find it intensely irritating when other people make a big deal about our age difference. It immediately makes me bristle, because age really doesn’t matter. I do believe it is just a number. And these judgments come from other people’s prejudices.

We’re intensely attracted to each other, we love and care for each other, so the age gap has never had an effect on me and I’ve never cared about it – although Jason is more conscious of it. But I’ve always said that the problem isn’t us, it’s everyone around us.

I was 25 when we first met, and I am not any more. My body has changed, and before we reconnected this summer I hadn’t undressed in front of anyone for a long time. I was terrified because Jason is someone who knows exactly what I looked like in my 20s. I worried whether he would still find me attractive? Would he be disappointed?

That was a concern at the beginning, but it turned out to not be a problem at all. I’ve always been attracted to him – even after 13 years without contact – that was instant and it has not changed or diminished in any way. And I’m made to feel attractive too; he tells me every day, several times. That means a lot. I just have to look at him and I’m ready to go. That has not been my experience in other relationships.

We just understand each other and each other’s bodies so well. We have a deeper sexual connection now that we’re older and our bodies are changing. It even takes longer for me to climax now, but that just means more time to enjoy it.